Hmmmmmmmmm

I have been mulling over what you have said for too long (although I have to admit not too often over said time period).  In the end, I think my problem is not knowing the right answer and thinking I have to know it.   In keeping with the Frodo theme, it was obvious to him that his leap of faith was really a leap of doom.  Yet faith moved him forward.  I think I will be best served if I take a similar leap of faith and move forward.  For despite the fact that I expect almost certain doom, it would appear it must be done.  Either this leap will show me the error of my ways or bring me to the next level.  Here's to it.

Cheers

Triple Threat, I Hope

It is funny because the first thing that I want to do is to provide counsel from the natural. Many ideas and suggestions come to mind immediately. My profession immediately kicked in when I read this post. But I know that God will be the only one to provide the answer. Although I know that I can be that tool that the Lord provides to help with guidance. Since I have seen this on several occasions. As far as a response to this post it took some time to find the right words. I am going to throw out there an attempt at three answers/thoughts for exploration.
So the counsel perspective provided several things, although I will try to stay general in my words. In terms of the struggle that is experienced within the family, think about the side of our spouse who may be feeling the frustration of their own lives whether it is stress or a search for answers as well. Arguing may not be serving the purpose that one is looking to accomplish by making certain statements. Thoughts may be one’s expression of their own feelings because something is missing. One must search their insides for what is truly their purpose for life. What makes you truly happy and can there be a balance between the multiple things such as schooling/academia and family. Is one better or therefore the betterment of the other? If that makes any sense at all. It is defiantly a struggle that I don’t envy but understand because of my own struggles between expanding my family versus money as well as a potential job move. All of these also spill into my marriage and family-robbing me of my foundation and the support as well as enjoyment that this provides me. So I sympathize with the struggle.
So the God perspective provides a different view of things and a way to find some clarity in your exploration. Again trying to remain nondirectional or judgmental not trying to push my own perspective but explaining a view. In terms of our paths in life and the things we do or have happen, God gives us things that we need when we least expect it as part of a grand scheme or plan. Although this was not your plan, God is leading you to what He wants your plan to be even though you must choose which the whole purpose of free will is. Even if we do wander down the wrong path at times remember we can always turn back. I now turn to these lyrics by We As Human in their song “Until We’re Dead” He lets us fall until we turn and reach out for Him, We can never fall too far from Him. The struggle is your need to make the best choice for you and your family based on your belief. This struggle though is like the devil is trying to provide confusion and distraction to you in order to hide the path that God has set forth for you to choose. Just like the constant struggle with your weight, it took you ten years to find the right path while dealing with the constant distraction and many other paths that are present. This is what makes things more difficult. All of these experiences, events and encounters have been the building blocks of knowledge that you have needed in order to survive all the conundrums that you have dealt with over your lifetime. They have prepared you for this moment in life that God is waiting for you to choose. Remember that He is always there and remains patient and merciful despite all of our screw ups.
So here are the thoughts that were spurned when reading through your post. The first pertains to the letter portion of the post. I like what Tolkien says about the ‘real soul mate’ is the one you are actually married too. This struck me because I feel that we could spend eternity looking for the perfect one in a world that is hardly perfect because we all have flaws and would never find our soul mate unless we allow God to provide us with that opportunity. The same way people spend eternity looking for answers when all they truly need to do is listen to God and he will provide you with answers to all your questions. This is confirmed in Matthew chapter 7 verses 7-8 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. I believe that Patti is that God given soul mate that was assigned for you. Real soul mates are the ones we have to work with in order to make them prosper. Besides what would be the fun in having someone that does not provide a challenge for us, this is why you and I get along so well in spite of our different styles and approaches. Maybe you and I should talk about a challenge that you and I could participate in, related to bettering our relationship and ourselves.
It is the last thought of the God perspective I think that Frodo felt the need to take on the responsibility of the ring after several decades of struggle even though it would have been better just to let go and have someone else be responsible. But that my friend would be too easy and not how God intended us to work or he would not have given us free will. We must make the choice to seek out the Kingdom of Heaven in order to receive its riches. You and I know that neither of us likes to do things the easy way, hence why we have clicked from the beginning and continue to challenge each other despite the gaps and differences. As a human being we have the will to both be and provide for a family as part of our life purpose. But we also have the drive to know more of the things that are our passions in life such as academia or our relationship with God. The question becomes again, balance and peace with the things that we choose in our lives for ourselves and our family ultimately.
Your welcome, it will always be there no matter what no matter when.

Providence

Tolkien, in a letter to his son regarding the topic of love, stated this:

Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes; in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might have found more suitable mates. But the 'real soul mate’ is the one you are actually married to. You really do very little choosing: life and circumstance do most of it (though if there is a God these must be His instruments, or His appearances).

 

My wife constantly tells me that what I really want, is to be a PhD holed up in some office; that family gets in the way of this.   I have tried to argue against this with little avail.   Perhaps the following blurb inspired from the above quote, will bolster my contrary opinion.

Growing up in high school, I did not want to fall in love at all.  I wanted a girlfriend and companionship of course, but I in no way was looking for what I got ... my wife.  Yet, I knew from the outset that, wanting it or not, my wife was what I needed.  Nothing could have been, or ever has been, clearer.

A similar scenario happened in college.  I never wanted to be an academic or ever thought myself capable of being one; all I wanted to do was to be solidly educated and married.  Yet in college I became intoxicated by learning and understanding.  Perhaps I can be an academic?

{warning, the following paragraph, being an attempt to explain my conundrum and state of mind, will slide into prose that is deliberately bad in grammar}


Now I sit at an academic crossroad, not knowing where to go.  A PhD or no?   If I move to obtain a PhD , it will not only be the beginning of the end of my floor nursing career, but represent a substantive threat to my wife and family.  If I do not go on for a PhD, I may become miserable, regretting what I was become, becoming what I was not;  a loss of self; a toxic negative indulgence leading to a shell of a husband loosening his wife and family.  This is not agreeable either.

While I do not have a concrete solution to the above, I know God and his providence is saying loud and clearly this:

If I do not make sure that my wife and family come first, then all the opportunity and understanding in life will be lost.  For life and it’s providence has wisdom beyond measure.   I am to be reminded that without my freshman roommate or the love of my friends, I probably would not have gotten married.  I am to be reminded, that I could never otherwise explain why, except for providence, one rainy day in high school, completely unconscious of what I was doing,  I randomly walked over to my future wife’s house (barely knowing her at all) and rung that doorbell.

On paper, Frodo was convinced he had gone well beyond what he needed to do, by getting the Ring to Rivendell.  However, as convinced as he was that he was done with the ring, he soon saw that he, and he alone could take that ring to Mordor, for circumstances, nay life itself, would have no other way.  Unlike the movie, in the book, this process takes several decades of struggle as Frodo does not want to give up what he loves so much, in order to do what he knows is right (especially because logic is technically on the side of him giving up the ring).

Thus,  I can say no more than this: To my wife and many friends, I may have wanted (or still want) many things which were (are) bolstered by good logic.  However,  I am to be constantly reminded that you and only you, despite good or bad logic, have had any truth to offer from this life; that you are obvious instruments of providence.  I firmly believe that if I am to succeed  and be happy at anything it is because I kept your council and love.  This holds especially true of my Wife and children.

Thank you.

Live for Today, Dream for Tomorrow (Anberlin- Timecon)

Live for Today, Dream for Tomorrow (Anberlin- Timecon)
So I heard these lyrics and had a thought so I just wanted to throw it out there and see what anyone thinks.
How does one follow this statement? Is it not our dreams that fuel us to move forward? Constantly thinking of the next thing or what is to come next. What does it mean to live for today? Reflecting on what occurs day to day is living in the past. Enjoy the moment, engage fully in the interaction, make someone happy, and smile at everyone. It is like that commercial where one person’s good deeds cause a chain reaction of good deeds. Make your life worth something. Get out of the routine of day to day schedules, reactions and thoughts. Make a mundane task into something that you will never forget. I believe the measure of living for today is by how memorable your past is. It is that reflection that shows you how you have lived your life. Not that God cares about your past, today is the now let’s start the day and each day with that dream so that we can create a beautiful picture of the past.

Indeed

Mr. A, you said that God seems to provide the same if not more reasoning and evidence than everything else. I am temped to be an idiot and argue that you are making a positive out of a negative. That because we lack full understanding of everything , God seems just as likely (or better) an answer. But perhaps you feel as I do. That because we experience God and because there is no reason for him not to fit into this world ( especially because religious practice can be really helpful in life), our faith continues to grow?

God is certainly not a church, building or priest. But like you, I find benefit from seeking understanding of others (like your pastor’s sermons or teachings) and the general experiencing of worship. There are certain people who’s job it is to help guide people when they feel lost. I was lost and after prayer realized I needed to go back to my church. My faith comes almost completely from personal experiences, prayer (alone), and reading. Church and priests etc are just one way to keep things going. As you stated, philosophy does not provide final answers, God does. I will only add however, that the point of philosophy is to help people weed through the mires of life; to keep their thoughts and understandings properly in place. While faith may require blindness, we still need to see to work on this earth.

To answer your question about spiritual issues, it boils down to the person I am. Am I doing the right things in life? Am I trying hard enough to achieve ( understand) that which I should be achieving ( understanding) versus sitting around and being a fat lazy bum? Questions like this often surround four topics; being a husband, being a father, being a nurse, being an academic. How do I balance these things? The problems comes up when my personal demons throw things out of balance. We all have flaws that can really get under our skin and tear us apart. I remain full of pollution ( TV, generalized laziness, multiple anxieties from not succeeding, wanting too much for oneself). I am trying very hard to get my mind, body, and spirit back in order ( as if it ever was). The better I get at these things the better I am balancing my priorities. Prayer, meditation, and faith are very helpful.

As of now I exercise daily, eat well, and practice the faith I have always loved. Its doing wonders.

I like your conclusion.

I agree that spiritual distress will prevent one from fulfilling the worldly roles that they have. This furthers the point that one must become closer to and in tune with God in order to be better at the worldly roles that we fill. For God gave us those roles for a reason. If we communicate and are willing to listen He will show us how to be better at these roles.
Finding that balance is so much fun. (Ha-ha) The nice thing is that we can help each other and others reach this point. Just remember God is not made to fit in a box and when one tries, God always finds a way to prove you wrong. Blatantly proven when God won me over like you stated Mr. J in your last paragraph before your conclusion.
Overall, God is declaring “aren’t I enough for you.”

Of note:

I would like to say in response to your statement “step out from your technology, science and buildings and start communing with people and start communing with people and God more importantly on a personal level”

The most important thing we can do in this world is to understand each other. The art of dialogue is paramount there. I feel that my responses have not been dialectic here at all. The point of my research is to understand others through meaningful dialogue. For when two people truly try to understand each other ( instead of trying to demonstrate a point) true understanding comes into being. If people are ever to have better answers on this earth it will never come from anything but this All the science and technology will no nothing to promote this of its own.

One of the most important things I need to do here is to understand your faith. For you understood me even in times when it was clear I was off my rocker.

Response to Arg:
I think using “for lack of a better reason” was the wrong terminology. I feel the main point that I was trying to convey was that in light of all the other options out there, faith in God was the better reason to choose. Also the fact that science sometimes tries to justify things that may be as farfetched as others. God seems to provide the same if not more reasoning and evidence then everything else. It is this evidence that increases my ability to believe and commune with God on a daily basis. This has also lead me to the other revelation that God is not a church building or a priest. He is His own individual who wanted these things to spread his word and bring people to Him but what they have turned into are things that distract or detract individuals from having a one on one relationship with God void of church and others. Although these things can be beneficial and provide a starting point for one’s journey in the Lord. It is these things like science which create or change the true purpose of the research or relationship with God.
I agree with your statement about science and measuring or the void of caring due to science. It is like I have stated before that although society today and technology have opened the door to communicating with more people with more frequency it is taking that personal relationship out of things. An example I would provide is a mother and daughter who are at odds with each other cannot have a face to face conversation without argument because they no longer know how to communicate. But can text each other while sitting in the same room without any problems. This proves that we have forgotten how to be personable. Jesus taught us that God is love and the best way to God is through showing that loving nature. This also keeps us from getting close to God because we have forgotten how to get back to the basics and communicate on a personal level with God. God and spirituality cannot be achieved through anything but a personal communicative relationship. If I may make a bold statement because I was there a few weeks ago that this is where everyone needs to move towards. Step out from behind your technology, science and buildings (i.e. Church) and start communing with people and God more importantly on a personal level.
But unlike philosophy that does not provide final answers God does and is willing if one would just stop and be quiet to listen to what He has to say to you. This can only occur through relationship and increased communication.
What were these obstacles and what spiritual issues were you struggling with? Out of curiosity.
I agree that spiritual distress will prevent one from fulfilling the worldly roles that they have. This furthers the point that one must become closer to and in tune with God in order to be better at the worldly roles that we fill. For God gave us those roles for a reason. If we communicate and are willing to listen He will show us how to be better at these roles.
Finding that balance is so much fun. (Ha-ha) The nice thing is that we can help each other and others reach this point. Just remember God is not made to fit in a box and when one tries, God always finds a way to prove you wrong. Blatantly proven when God won me over like you stated Mr. J in your last paragraph before your conclusion.
Overall, God is declaring “aren’t I enough for you.”
Let’s see where this takes us. Despite the pile you thought you laid out there well done!

arg

This is a bad post. I had this idea which I felt would start a great dialogue. However, I got lost and was unable to get back. The only thing I achieved was days and days of pointless writing. So now, I cannot write any longer. I will just throw caution in the wind and hand you, Mr. A, this massive sticking pile of you know what. I have always relied on your insight, so get your scalpel out and dissect what you can. Feel free to draw blood. :), or ignore this post all together.

Mr. A, I have not fully appreciated what you have been saying. So below you’ll find a new response to your last two posts.

Response to second to last post:

You stated,

it is funny because I have come to the thought that whether it is faith or the lack of a better option just believing in God and heaven seems to make sense now. I think I am beginning to move towards bettering my relationship with God, bettering my journey, accepting all with a blind faith because nothing else out there speaks any better or clearer. Don’t get me wrong, I do not believe because of default but it is funny how faith has begun to fall in to place for me. Things are making sense and the other options out there seem just as improbable.

How the above happened to me:


I too have come to the conclusion to have faith in God. I cannot say with a total blind faith, but I’ll admit faith does require being blind; otherwise it’s not faith. You described your faith using the phrase “ for lack of a better reason.” It was the same for me. I wrestled with God philosophically until Unamuno ( who I hope was one of the people God knew would bring me around should I find him) who believed in God simply because everything contradicted itself, including God, kicked my arse. In the end, Unamuno like me, could not shake that desire to live forever, to have a God to believe in, to know and trust ( although his God is a lot different than mine).
Your statement about relying too much on science is not wrong but I would like to add to it. I don’t think we rely on science too much as we don’t take the time to think about why we really are conducting scientific experiments. Allow me to give an example. In order for a nurse to be an expert in caring, it requires profound philosophical, scientific, and personal insight. In short it requires a lot of knowing. The medical field’s obsession with measuring everything (isolating variables) has resulted in nursing losing it’s focus on one of our most profound banks of legitimate knowledge ( caring) simply because it cannot be properly measured. While there are legitimate ways of studying it (qualitative methods), they are thought to be weaker ( not true).

I recall one oncology nurse who realized after reflection, that medicine’s outcomes based work had forgotten to ask what it was like to have end stage cancer. She found that by the time medicine was done with these patients, all that could be done to alleviate their suffering, was to dope them up to high heaven. She wanted to know what it was like to go through this. So, she conducted a qualitative study and found that the patients suffered even more due to the pain medication. This was because they were being robed of their lucidity. From this many new interventions were implemented

So why did I talk to much about science?

I often see that faith and religion have the same problems as the above. But this is wrong for everything we do requires rational thought. This includes faith, for people have to believe it is the best thing for them. Anyone who becomes disappointed with philosophy (rational thought), in my mind, thinks that philosophy can give real final answers. It does not, it only assists us in making sense of this life, this irrational life, which only seems to make sense, when we rely on our experiences. These experiences are what give us truth and understanding and in my case it requires religion but only when guided by reason. But be warned. Too much reason cause one to be blind to their experience , but for those who ignore reason, will start thinking that Jihad crusades are ok.




Response to Mr. A’s last post.


The importance of this entry, is that I have to admit that I believe in God in a very similar way as you described. That for all the books I have read etc, my reason to believe is no better founded. I had been struggling with spiritual issues too long and because of that, I was becoming more ineffective as a father, nurse, and researcher. I felt compelled to return to my religion even though I had major issues with it (rational). After praying for years and getting the same answer: “ to go a priest, confess your issues, and return to the faith you once had as a child”. As a rational person, I found that is a ridiculous idea ( fought it for like 15 years). But as you said Mr. A, at some point one comes to accept, to believe. So, fed up with my spiritual distress and guided my the above answer,I finally went to a priest. By going to somebody else, and in the name of all that is asking for help, I was able to overcome some major spiritual obstacles.

Every day I find that I have to remain focused on what is really important. If I stray from the right path, I become very ineffective in what I do. I become less capable of being caring and staying away from vices. This heavily detracts from my work, work that I feel would be of at least some importance if I could balance my life better

I struggle just like you Mr. A in balancing the two worlds. I want to do what is right in God’s view but it did not work by just following a set of religious rules ( as Catholics can be thought famous for and what I thought I had to do as a Catholic), about which job he wants me to have, how large a family, or what kind of research I should/should not conduct (although he might). Rather, I would guess that God knew I would be always thinking about stuff ( study philosophy), want to be in a profession where I could focus on caring (nurse), want to be artistically creative when possible (guitar player), and participate in sports that put mortality to the test (monkey/snowboarder/rock climber. I could have chosen other things but they would be similar.

My struggles happen when I get too focused on one thing or another I falter. It sad how quickly and obvious it is when I stray. For me to stay on path, I need pray a lot, reflect upon what is going on in my life, and finally most recently reconcile my problems with the Catholic church so that I can return to my religious tradition. Studying philosophy, being a nurse, being a father, guitar playing etc. have all brought me closer to God and also taken me away from God.

One does not need any of the above to get to God, but in my case they is how He got to me, for that is what I am. Hopefully my work will be of help to others. When I first met you, I felt you Mr. A could have cared less about God. Oh how He changed that. For I feel He knew what kind of person you were, and waited for you to make a move in the right direction, a move that would bring you right to Him.

Conclusion:

Give the long mother blog ( I hope you don’t die reading it) I thought I better summarize what I said. My faith became necessary when I could not longer contain my spiritual distress. This required me to accept experiences and ideas that I cannot fully rationalize except to say that it seemed to right and therefore most rational for me to do. Through a most off topic I tried to show that science does not error because it is too scientific but rather because like anything else ( philosophy and faith), it can blind itself. I have come to realize that if I do not allow myself spiritual help I am not capable of being a good father, husband, nurse, researcher, and musician (even though these traits are what I am) because I too can blind myself by ignoring the bigger picture spiritual needs. However, without all the above I would never have found God in the first place. How quixotic.


From the heart I want to say that my faith is based in reason and experience (irrational thought); quixotic to the core. Your’s, from a completely different angle, requiring little of what I do. You born again, me Catholic. Both religions opposed and alike. Yet, I have all the faith that God laughs at this saying, “you believe for the same reason, is that not enough?”